I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
