Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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