ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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