And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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