Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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