TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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