Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
