I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we're making bets on your personal life
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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