so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
