i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
