either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
