she looked like the before picture.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
