The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
