Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
