I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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