Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
