Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
