I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
