Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
