i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
