I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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