I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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