The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
