someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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