Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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