threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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