hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
