everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
