i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
