she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She's the barista slut.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
