They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
