Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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