We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You pole danced in your parka.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
