uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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