I can tuck mytits in my pants
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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