Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
