Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
