On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
