Im at strip club and am horny
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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