I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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