we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
