mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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