i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
