I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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