One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize