she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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