Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
