i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I touched a dick in church today
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
