I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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