Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Damn victory sex feels great
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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