I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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