So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
