Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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