I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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