Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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