if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
