when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
