i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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