If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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