mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
