I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
