i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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