3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
