I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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